Okay, so I guess since I've posted everyday, why stop here?
My past is something I am not quite proud of; I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed, of, but then again, I've done a lot of things I am proud of. Something I've done, but I still have mixed feelings about now, is my use with drugs and alcohol; I've done some drugs, not too many, nor really crazy either. I've smoked marijuana before, and I'd be lying if I said every once a great while I didn't take a few drags from a spliff; I've smoked Salvia, which has to be one of the most amazing, but curious things I've ever done. For those of you that may not know what Salvia is, it's like a hallucinogenic plan that is actually legal here in California, although you need to be 18; which I am not.
While on Salvia, I did hallucinate, and for a hallucinogen, it's supposed to be really violent compare to others; for me it was actually pretty relaxed, i was in a house and I just saw like a gorgeous valley and meadow, it was awesome; I don't however advise getting involved in any drugs or anything of that nature; I regret that i did, even though it was amazing and gorgeous at times. It takes up a lot of your time and you always have second thoughts, at least I do. Marijuana, for me, was an escape, to kinda forget about problems and worries etc. While that can be helpful sometimes, it also can take over your life; It did for me last year, I was not buying lunch and skipping meals to save a few bucks just so I could get high over the weekend, and I've smoked some pot that I'm sure was laced with something.
I just remember spending hours on end doing nothing and being completely out of mind, for a while it was alright, but it started getting irritating, and while on these things I picked up other habits I regret, like smoking; smoking is habit I've constantly been trying to kick. I'm lucky enough that I can go a few days without a cigarette to get my nicotine buzz, but it's irritating. It's like a want you really need. I don't even enjoy smoking all that much, but it's hard to control, then before smoking and weed came drinking.
I'll finish up tomorrow, it's 2:45 here, I expected to be finished already but I got sidetracked,
Slow Sunday *64
1 hour ago
:) good thing u didnt get hooked to drugs Sean, and i hope u get over the cigarette thig, best wishes bud! <3
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of Salvia...sounds interesting, albeit frightening. I think very many kids at least smoke weed a few times and almost every drinks in HS I would think. So I wouldn't feel too bad about that unless you feel like its a frequent thing. I smoked weed probably no more than a dozen times in HS and never since, nor will I. It always just made me tired and want to throw up. I didn't really enjoy it. I did get totally addicted to smoking cigarettes and did through college as well. I just quit about three years ago. Sorry to sound like Im giving advice, but I feel really strongly about this so I can't help myself: I have no bigger regret in my life than smoking thru HS and college. Its not really the health thing, although certainly thats an issue. It wasn't really the money thing either-- it was because my parents were really anti-smoking, and I had to hide it. It really really hurt my relationship with them, which at the time I didn't care about. But it really made me push away from them alot and became a big part of me doing things to spite them. I missed out on a lot of time and a lot of potential family stuff that I might've enjoyed more had I not been trying to sneak away for a cigarette. My dad died (unexpectedly, suddenly) in 2006, and I didn't see him the night before he died, because I knew that I smelled like smoke and didn't have time to change clothes before going over there. So I missed out on seeing him the last time in his entire life, because I was a smoker. I quit smoking shortly after he died, and haven't smoked since. Like I said this was the biggest regret in my entire life.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to get all serious :-) And I know that this doesn't really make sense-- it wouldn't have made sense to me when I was in HS if someone ten years older had spilled all of this-- but just something to think about.
But yea I totally get the 'want you really need' and the other signs of addiction-- I was a pretty heavy smoker for a few years, like 1-2 packs per day... ugh...much regret.
But drinking is a lot of fun :-)
Much Love,
Steve