Last night was fun. Went to a small gathering with a group of friends, nothing big, just some drinking and stuff. It was fun; I was with Paul but nothing too significant happened still. We hugged lots of times, but he always hugs people when he's drunk. What I liked most was when everyone decided to go to bed. Because we weren't like completely smashed, we were drunk, but i still remember most of the night, and nobody threw up; so it wasn't too bad.
Anyways, when we decided to go to bed. I was already laying down, cause I was really tired. When Paul decided to go to bed; there wasn't much room anywhere, but he decided to lay down next to me on the couch, he said he was cold, which is very possible, because it really was cold out. But either way; he lay down, we went to bed. When I woke up, we we're like huddled up together and stuff, it was so awesome; it made me imagine possibly one day waking up next to him like all the time.
It could be just me, and my own desire for him to be gay; but it seems like signs are pointing that way. Although I'm really very biased in this situation. I know I'm biased too, there's no way I would be able to look at this thing without putting my own spin on it. Which could explain why he's starting to seem gayer and gayer. It concerns me though.
Where do I know where my own subconscious desires and fact ends?
Regardless for now, I enjoyed huddling with him, I lay down like that for a while next to him, until other people started getting up. It was fun; I'm glad it happened. Still this keeps bugging me, there is the possibility that he's gay, and then there's the possibility that he's not. I want him to be gay, as selfish as that sounds. But how would I know? There are so many different factors that would need to be taken into account, and I don't wanna just like ask you know? I don't know. I guess I'll just have to wait?
What do you guys think I should do?
juiceboys *1769
23 hours ago
if hes doing things that can be taken in more than one way and u say hes gay then thats just wishful thinking :p when he starts massaging your crotch and u think hes gay thats reality! :) hehehehe u could just try to be patient.... or start feeling paul up the next time you to are alone and drunk! :P it might ruin your friendship but u can always say u were just drunk :p everything is forgiven when youre drunk XD
ReplyDeleteif hes doing things that can be taken in more than one way and u say hes gay then thats just wishful thinking :p when he starts massaging your crotch and u think hes gay thats reality! :) hehehehe u could just try to be patient.... or start feeling paul up the next time you to are alone and drunk! :P it might ruin your friendship but u can always say u were just drunk :p everything is forgiven when youre drunk XD
ReplyDeleteIs there anyone else there you can come out to? A girl perhaps, that you can trust. Someone who is there in real life to give you perspective, who you can talk through the likely consequences with.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, like I said last time. Half way through senior year come out (without saying how you feel about him immediately) and see where it goes. And in the meantime, if he should bring up the idea himself, just be open to him. Which can be easier said than done.
Sean, even a str8 kid can enjoy physical intimacy (hugging, cuddling) with another guy, if it doesn't cross some self- imposed boundary... I know what you mean about wanting him to be gay... lol I remember lying there, next to a hot guy, wondering half the night, if I could just reach over and get him to respond... What torture!! I often resorted to the lazy, sleeping arm/hug in the middle of the night, using the theory that, if he didn't move my arm, well, he must like it! Hmmm... It didn't really work, tho, because, most of the time (yes, this happened too often- I tended to like str8/closeted guys), there was no resistance... Also, no reaction... Damn!! What do you do then?? Escalate??
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you, I lost mucho sleep in those days, and realized that it was better to send the signals during waking hours (not while drunk, either), and hope for a positive reaction of some kind... It would sometimes take a while- One guy, I actually gave up on, and he turned the tables when I least expected it, when we were ALONE and in his car, and the next thing you know.... well, I'll leave that to your 16 year old imagination!!
Finding out more about a guy, from him, his friends, his likes/dislikes, his online habits (lol), is the best way to start.... I know, it's like detective work, sometimes!! If he responds, and really seems to enjoy your company, then maybe that extra little hug, that extra smile, or longer eye contact, will push him over the edge, and you will feel more comfortable telling him that you like him A LOT!! Hey... even str8 guys like each other a lot, sometimes!! Good luck, kid! luv, tman<3
PS- in other words, be patient!! lol
Be bluntly honest. "Look, I like you a lot more than you maybe realize. How do you feel about that?"
ReplyDelete