Looks like War is Coming

     Okay, so I've been away for such a long time. I have a lot to write about. So much I don't know where to start. I have Paul to talk about, and major drama. Things have gone so wildly this past weekend that I honestly feel like I'm coming down with something from all the stress. So I just want to vent a little bit. Basically; this is what's going on.

     Our group has always been riddled with drama; if you've read my previous posts, I mentioned a group leader named Andrew, and his secret dating of Alexandra. Well this is what's happened up to now. Andrew did date her, and he started dating her openly. Until she finally saw a part of him she didn't like. He mistreated her and everyone agrees with that. She broke it up with him. Andrew in return said some nasty things to her; and that was all the ammunition the group needed to finally decide to eradicate him from the group. We all for a few days honestly had no drama whatsoever and things were going great. Alexandra joined the group as a seemingly permanent member. Thing were finally looking up.

     Now it's come to this, Alexandra got kicked from her house for one reason or another. And all of us being good friends decided to take her in, each person having there day to take her in at their house. Things were okay for a while again. she had a place to stay and that was great. For some reason, and I don't know why I did this.

     I decided I wanted to see if I could set up Alexandra and Paul together. I have no idea why I did this. At first when I mentioned the idea to Paul; he was hesitant, and I know I should have dropped it. But I couldn't help myself. I don't know what I was thinking. But I pushed the subject until he finally agreed to pursue her. This is where things started to get messy and complicated.

     I think I wanted to see how far I'd have to push things. Or I don't know. I don't know why I did that. I had a constant conflict in my head about what I was doing. I wanted him to be happy. I don't know if he's straight, or bi, or gay. I just want him to be happy. Regardless if he ends up with me or not. But for some reason I pushed him away. I wanted him to go after this girl; even though I know that I want him to be with me.

     I think I wanted him to go for it only so I would know that it wouldn't work out. I don't know. I honestly don't know why I did it. Either way. Paul and her never got together. Paul did invest a lot of time and effort trying to get with her though. Alexandra told me that she wanted to get with Paul; but that time wasn't ripe. Especially after a break up that just shook up the group enough to actually ostracize someone. Which was understandable.



     Anyways. basically what ended up happening is we already had one girl in our group, Matt's girlfriend. She saw herself as the main girl of the group and didn't want to get screwed with. She stood up and defended her position of the Alpha Female. This caused some bad air between the two girls and basically, everyone knowing matt's girlfriend better sided with her, while Paul and I, having spent quite a bit of time with Alexandra, sided with her.

     In my group of friends, it seems we can't really tolerate more than one person in a relationship at a time or something. I don't know why. It always seems like at least one person doesn't like the idea of some sort of relationship between people. Somehow people caught wind of my trying to fix up Paul and Alexandra. By this time I had figured it was done and nothing was going to happen. But when people caught wind, he seemed to suddenly try harder.  But then he stopped and nothing happened. But then little by little, it started becoming loud knowledge who was sided with who and who didn't want Paul dating her and who did etc. It was getting messy. If my group of friends was a prescription bottle, It would say on the side:

Warning: DO NOT MIX FRIENDSHIP WITH LOVE, STOMACH BLEEDING MAY OCCUR
or something ridiculous like that.


     The group decided this drama was unacceptable so we all decided to just meet up at our usual park place, and talk it out and settle all the bad air and just move on. So we all met up; and after an exchange of words, things worked our. Everyone seemed at peace and tensions we're cooling although not eradicated. Well here's where things get weird. Alexandra had been living with friends and apperently on the street for a few days now. We all knew she was out her own house etc.

     So as we were preparing to leave our park; Some cops show up, asking for Alexandra, it turns out, she was a runaway. The cops took her away and left those of us who were left with her, Matt, another friend, and myself, shocked. We had no idea what had just happened. We called everyone up, and told them what happened. Almost immediately, Matt's girlfriend took the opportunity to accuse Alexandra of being a liar and using everyone.


     Still I'm not sure what happened and I'm not sure what I believe. But Paul still wants to at least talk with her, and so do I. Things in the group are going crazy, I don't know what's going on. Paul and I have become close though. But i'm also afraid I pushed him away. I don't know what I've done. If there was any chance of him coming out to me, after I pulled the crap I did, I feel like there's no hope. I don't know. He didn't really go for her. He may have just been going through the motions. Or maybe he really was going for her, and I'm just trying to convince myself that something between him and I may actually be possible. I don't know.

      I think at this point, even if he did come out to me; I'm not sure how our group of friends would react. We have become a monster. I can already see this getting ugly. The group is starting to become like an exclusive club that you can be kicked from for a minor infraction.

Looks like War is Coming. 

      The core of the Group, currently, resides in Matt, his girlfriend, and myself. From talking to everyone, with Andrew gone, somehow I got assigned the opposition to Matt and his girlfriend. I don't know if I want this position, But I won't stand down if they put Paul in the crosshairs. I don't want war, or to divide the group this way, but I will do anything to keep Paul up and going. I'm convinced that I can take anything that gets thrown at me. This can get messy fast if something isn't done. The group isn't visibly divided yet. But I can see it coming. I don't know how this will work out. But i'll have to see.

Oh and some side notes. I might have gotten a shot of Pauls privates this weekend at the pool; i'm not sure if I did, but either way I saw wayyyy up his leg, and I got a hard on. So I stayed in the pool for quite a while till that went away. Oh and also; we played a stripping game, and of course, I had to get naked, while all Paul lost was his shirt; Everyone got completely naked because we all lost, but Paul was the only one. who didn't. Why on earth did that happen? Of all People? Paul is the one who keeps his clothes?

He's seen me naked and I haven't seen him naked. This is definitely not fair :/