Monday, May 10, 2010

So be it

     Well here it goes. Haha. I don't really know how to start, this is just gonna be a pretty big rant from this point. I don't know where to even start. It seems I never do.

     So now, I'll tell you whats happened thus far and where I stand now. I stand with 4 Friends left, and 4 Friends lost.

     Basically the group split, finally, we all saw it about to happen. Nobody said anything though. When the drama happened before, we kinda just buried it. But now, we have all kinda separated, and the bullet came yesterday. Paul called me and basically said, we had been "exiled" from the group. Which baffled me for several reasons.

1) Who decided that they are the group and we aren't?
2) Who's to say they can kick us, how about they left?
3) What group? its gone now

All pretty stupid concerns, I'll be honest. But perhaps it just my anger sinking through. Matt and his girlfriend have done the worst they could, They destroyed the group. Although, in  a way i suppose, I should thank them, those of us on this side of the issue, will become closer than before, and they will become closer with each other I'm sure. However, I know, Matt and his girlfriend will break up and when they do. It will hit them both in the face, and both of them will have nowhere to turn. They will be alone, and wanting to come back to us. Honestly, I do care about them, I'm mad at the them, but I do care about them. I want the best for them. I just want everyone to be happy, and actually, if this is how it has to happen.

So be it.

     Paul still stands with me, and we're become closer than ever, even if he is straight, which more and more, i'm looking at it, and he probably is. But one can still dream. Either way, even if he is straight, I know he'll be with me as a friend at least, forever. During our time in the military we'll bond like never before, He'll be someone i'll never be able to forget. I don't really have much else to say right now. I was thinking about coming out earlier, but these events have really made me glad I didn't because, the people i would have come out to, just turned on me. Ha, interesting how things happen. Either way; i'll keep moving forward, with my chin up, and move on. Eventually I know when the time will be right, and I think when the time is right, I won't be able to avoid coming out. Whether that be just by talking to someone, or my first kiss with Sean, haha. We'll see.


  1. well all that matters is Paul! keep your eyes on the prize! XD LOL those friends are mean... i say u should drop them like a sac of potatoes, those kind of people tend to be destructive and stuff :s

  2. Good for you on the keeping your chin up bit. It escapes me why people have to act this way-- that people can't just "get along", but like you said maybe its for the best. You are the better person to want whats best for them, and hopefully they will at least one day realize the unnecessary trouble and pain *they* caused.

    Good luck!